I really can't remember the last time I had a good cry. You know, the kind that you try your hardest to hold back with all your might, but the tears come right in time to ruin your makeup. The kind that when someone just looks at you thinking of the right thing to say, the tears just come flowing. It's the one you get that awful headache from, and the same one that makes your eyes sting all day. Today was the day that I had my big cry.
I would love to share a post of the wonderful week or so I've had, I really do try to keep optimism and happiness close by, but this time, it's about letting these emotions GO. I'd like to think of myself as one who solves the problem as soon as it appears. When I face stress, I'd like to overcome it, and move on. But when I realize that I've turned my head to problems because I truly can't fix them myself, that horrible control issue I have stresses me to the max. I've been piling that stress up in a corner, just like clutter in the house, and before you know it, it's too overwhelming to even turn your head from anymore and all you can do is cry. I don't know what the solution is to the problem though...you can't fix a problem that you have no business fixing. Regardless of the situation, it's become an unwelcome burden that I wish would disappear.
God has a plan for every person of course, and it's His plan, His way, on His time. I know the drill. I know how things should be. How we should pray. Let them go. Calm our little selves down. But those wild emotions will get the very best of us sometimes. You know... the times when you have to remind yourself to breathe... that's that awful thing called anxiety creeping up on you. If you've never had a problem with anxiety, please share your secret, will ya? I've gotten to a point where I don't know up from down, and left from right. I'm exhausted.
My therapy consists of these wonderful blessings: My husband. Our son. Our supportive family...and a box of tissues. Maybe a glass of wine. and for heavens sake, a girls night out soon. I talked to one of my very best friends this week about how crazy her day was. And it made me feel so much better! All of us moms have lost our minds. There's no hiding it. As put together as you may feel, you'll open your trunk one day and realize you've forgotten the stroller. You drove to the mall, and forgot the stroller. Only one of a million little funny things that'll happen when you're a mother. There really is no way to have everything under control. You'd be even more of a lunatic.
So with a little letting go and a box of tissues gone, it's all looking up. (Half of this chaotic week is over, thank goodness.) The things that I can't control (the things way beyond forgetting a stroller) I've got to learn to let go. Lately there have been many examples of how God has blessed me tremendously, and just how many blessings I take for granted. Tonight, it's time to slow down, relax, and let God do His thing ;) He's got this. I wasn't made to perform miracles. But Brian and I happen to be living proof that He sure can. Please say a prayer for my family.